Twelfth Night, Or What You Will 341.html

<span id = 15857 >ORSINO, Duke of Illyria<br />SEBASTIAN, brother to Viola<br />ANTONIO, a sea captain, friend to Sebastian<br />A SEA CAPTAIN, friend to Viola<br />VALENTINE, gentleman attending on the Duke<br />CURIO, gentleman attending on the Duke<br />SIR TOBY BELCH, uncle to Olivia<br />SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK<br />MALVOLIO, steward to Olivia<br />FABIAN, servant to Olivia<br />FESTE, a clown, servant to Olivia<br /><br />OLIVIA, a rich countess<br />VIOLA<br />MARIA, Olivia's waiting woman<br /><br />Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and other<br />Attendants<br /><br />SCENE: A city in Illyria, and the sea-coast near it<br /><br /><br /></span><span id = 15858 ></span><span id = 15859 >SCENE I. An apartment in the DUKE'S palace.<br /><br />[Enter DUKE, CURIO, and other LORDS; MUSICIANS attending.]<br /><br />DUKE.<br />If music be the food of love, play on;<br />Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,<br />The appetite may sicken and so die.<br />That strain again! It had a dying fall;<br />O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound<br />That breathes upon a bank of violets,<br />Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more;<br />'T is not so sweet now as it was before.<br />O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou!<br />That, notwithstanding thy capacity<br />Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,<br />Of what validity and pitch soe'er,<br />But falls into abatement and low price,<br />Even in a minute! so full of shapes is fancy<br />That it alone is high fantastical.<br /><br />CURIO.<br />Will you go hunt, my lord?<br /><br />DUKE.<br />What, Curio?<br /><br />CURIO.<br />The hart.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Why, so I do, the noblest that I have.<br />O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,<br />Methought she purg'd the air of pestilence!<br />That instant was I turn'd into a hart;<br />And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,<br />E'er since pursue me.<br /><br />[Enter VALENTINE.]<br /><br />How now! what news from her?<br /><br />VALENTINE.<br />So please my lord, I might not be admitted,<br />But from her handmaid do return this answer:<br />The element itself, till seven years' heat,<br />Shall not behold her face at ample view;<br />But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk<br />And water once a day her chamber round<br />With eye-offending brine; all this to season<br />A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh<br />And lasting in her sad remembrance.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame<br />To pay this debt of love but to a brother,<br />How will she love when the rich golden shaft<br />Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else<br />That live in her; when liver, brain, and heart,<br />These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd--<br />Her sweet perfections -- with one self king!<br />Away before me to sweet beds of flow'rs;<br />Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bow'rs.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15860 >SCENE II. The sea-coast.<br /><br />[Enter VIOLA, a CAPTAIN, and SAILORS.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />What country, friends, is this?<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />This is Illyria, lady.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />And what should I do in Illyria?<br />My brother he is in Elysium.<br />Perchance he is not drown'd. What think you, sailors?<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />It is perchance that you yourself were sav'd.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />O my poor brother! and so perchance may he be.<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,<br />Assure yourself, after our ship did split,<br />When you, and those poor number sav'd with you,<br />Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,<br />Most provident in peril, bind himself,<br />Courage and hope both teaching him the practice,<br />To a strong mast that liv'd upon the sea;<br />Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,<br />I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves<br />So long as I could see.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />For saying so, there's gold:<br />Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,<br />Whereto thy speech serves for authority,<br />The like of him. Know'st thou this country?<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born<br />Not three hours' travel from this very place.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Who governs here?<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />A noble duke, in nature as in name.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />What is his name?<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />Orsino.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Orsino! I have heard my father name him;<br />He was a bachelor then.<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />And so is now, or was so very late;<br />For but a month ago I went from hence,<br />And then 'twas fresh in murmur--as, you know,<br />What great ones do the less will prattle of--<br />That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />What's she?<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count<br />That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her<br />In the protection of his son, her brother,<br />Who shortly also died; for whose dear love,<br />They say, she hath abjur'd the company<br />And sight of men.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />O that I serv'd that lady,<br />And might not be delivered to the world,<br />Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,<br />What my estate is!<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />That were hard to compass,<br />Because she will admit no kind of suit,<br />No, not the duke's.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain;<br />And though that nature with a beauteous wall<br />Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee<br />I will believe thou hast a mind that suits<br />With this thy fair and outward character.<br />I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,<br />Conceal me what I am, and be my aid<br />For such disguise as haply shall become<br />The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:<br />Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him;<br />It may be worth thy pains, for I can sing<br />And speak to him in many sorts of music<br />That will allow me very worth his service.<br />What else may hap, to time I will commit;<br />Only shape thou silence to my wit.<br /><br />CAPTAIN.<br />Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be;<br />When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I thank thee; lead me on.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15861 >OLIVIA'S house.<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother<br />thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights; your<br />cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Why, let her except before excepted.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of<br />order.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes<br />are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; and they<br />be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I heard my lady talk of<br />it yesterday, and of a foolish knight that you brought in one<br />night here to be her wooer.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Ay, he.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />What's that to th' purpose?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a very<br />fool and a prodigal.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' th' viol-de-gamboys, and<br />speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and<br />hath all the good gifts of nature.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />He hath indeed, almost natural; for, besides that he's a fool,<br />he's a great quarreller; and but that he hath the gift of a<br />coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought<br />among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors that say so of<br />him. Who are they?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />With drinking healths to my niece. I'll drink to her as long as<br />there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria: he's a<br />coward and a coystrill that will not drink to my niece<br />till his brains turn o' th' toe like a parish-top. What, wench!<br />Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.<br /><br />[Enter SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK.]<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Sir Toby Belch; how now, Sir Toby Belch!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Sweet Sir Andrew!<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Bless you, fair shrew.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />And you too, sir.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />What's that?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />My niece's chambermaid.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />My name is Mary, sir.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Good Mistress Mary Accost,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board her, woo her,<br />assail her.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that<br />the meaning of 'accost'?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Fare you well, gentlemen.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw<br />sword again.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword<br />again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Sir, I have not you by th' hand.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Now, sir, 'thought is free.' I pray you, bring your hand to th'<br />buttery-bar and let it drink.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />It's dry, sir.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Why, I think so; I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry.<br />But what's your jest?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />A dry jest, sir.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Are you full of them?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends; marry, now I let go<br />your hand, I am barren.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary; when did I see thee so<br />put down?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary put me down.<br />Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an<br />ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and I<br />believe that does harm to my wit.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />No question.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home to-morrow,<br />Sir Toby.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Pourquoi, my dear knight?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />What is 'pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had bestow'd that<br />time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and<br />bear-baiting! O, had I but follow'd the arts!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Why, would that have mended my hair?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />But it becomes me well enough, does't not?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will not be<br />seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me: the<br />count himself here hard by wooes her.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />She'll none o' th' count. She'll not match above her degree,<br />neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear't. Tut,<br />there's life in't, man.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' th' strangest mind i'<br />th' world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my<br />betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Faith, I can cut a caper.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />And I can cut the mutton to't.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in<br />Illyria.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these gifts a<br />curtain before 'em? are they like to take dust, like Mistress<br />Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and<br />come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. What dost<br />thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the<br />excellent constitution of thy leg, it was form'd under the star<br />of a galliard.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Ay, 't is strong, and it does indifferent well in flame-colour'd<br />stock. Shall we set about some revels?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Taurus! That's sides and heart.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the caper. Ha! higher!<br />ha, ha, excellent!<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15862 >SCENE IV.<br /><br />The DUKE'S palace.<br /><br />[Enter VALENTINE, and VIOLA in man's attire.]<br /><br />VALENTINE.<br />If the duke continue these favours towards you, Cesario, you are<br />like to be much advanc'd. He hath known you but three days, and<br />already you are no stranger.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call in<br />question the continuance of his love. Is he inconstant, sir, in<br />his favours?<br /><br />VALENTINE.<br />No, believe me.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I thank you. Here comes the Count.<br /><br />[Enter DUKE, CURIO, and ATTENDANTS.]<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Who saw Cesario, ho?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />On your attendance, my lord; here.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Stand you awhile aloof. Cesario,<br />Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd<br />To thee the book even of my secret soul.<br />Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;<br />Be not denied access, stand at her doors,<br />And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow<br />Till thou have audience.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Sure, my noble lord,<br />If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow<br />As it is spoke, she never will admit me.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds<br />Rather than make unprofited return.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?<br /><br />DUKE.<br />O, then unfold the passion of my love,<br />Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith!<br />It shall become thee well to act my woes;<br />She will attend it better in thy youth<br />Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I think not so, my lord.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Dear lad, believe it;<br />For they shall yet belie thy happy years,<br />That say thou art a man: Diana's lip<br />Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe<br />Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,<br />And all is semblative a woman's part.<br />I know thy constellation is right apt<br />For this affair. Some four or five attend him;<br />All, if you will; for I myself am best<br />When least in company. Prosper well in this,<br />And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,<br />To call his fortunes thine.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I'll do my best<br />To woo your lady,-- [Aside] yet, a barful strife!<br />Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15863 >SCENE V.<br /><br />OLIVIA'S house.<br /><br />[Enter MARIA and CLOWN.]<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my<br />lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse. My lady<br />will hang thee for thy absence.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Let her hang me. He that is well hang'd in this world needs to<br />fear no colours.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Make that good.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />He shall see none to fear.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />A good lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was born,<br />of 'I fear no colours.'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Where, good Mistress Mary?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are<br />fools, let them use their talents.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent; or to be turn'd<br />away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning<br />away, let summer bear it out.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />You are resolute, then?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Not so, neither; but I am resolv'd on two points.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />That, if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break, your<br />gaskins fall.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby would<br />leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any<br />in Illyria.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my lady; make your<br />excuse wisely, you were best.<br /><br />[Exit.]<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Wit, and 't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits<br />that think they have thee do very oft prove fools; and I, that am<br />sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: for what says<br />Quinapalus? 'Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.'<br /><br />[Enter LADY OLIVIA with MALVOLIO.]<br /><br />God bless thee, lady!<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Take the fool away.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: besides, you grow<br />dishonest.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend; for,<br />give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry: bid the<br />dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer<br />dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing<br />that's mended is but patch'd; virtue that transgresses is but<br />patch'd with sin; and sin that amends is but patch'd with virtue.<br />If that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,<br />what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so<br />beauty's a flower. The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I<br />say again, take her away.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Sir, I bade them take away you.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non facit<br />monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not motley in my brain.<br />Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Can you do it?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Dexteriously, good madonna.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Make your proof.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I must catechize you for it, madonna; good my mouse of virtue,<br />answer me.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Good madonna, why mourn'st thou?<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Good fool, for my brother's death.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I think his soul is in hell, madonna.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />I know his soul is in heaven, fool.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul being in<br />heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him. Infirmity,<br />that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing<br />your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox; but he will<br />not pass his word for twopence that you are no fool.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />How say you to that, Malvolio?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal; I<br />saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool that has no<br />more brain than a stone. Look you now, he's out of<br />his guard already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to him,<br />he is gagg'd. I protest, I take these wise men, that crow so at<br />these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' zanies.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a<br />distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free<br />disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts that you deem<br />cannon bullets. There is no slander in an allow'd fool, though he<br />do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet man,<br />though he do nothing but reprove.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speak'st well of<br />fools!<br /><br />[Re-enter MARIA.]<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much desires to<br />speak with you.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />From the Count Orsino, is it?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />I know not, madam; 't is a fair young man, and well attended.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Who of my people hold him in delay?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but madman: fie on<br />him! [Exit MARIA.] Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the<br />count, I am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.<br />[Exit MALVOLIO.] Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old,<br />and people dislike it.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a<br />fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains! for-- here he comes--<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY.]<br /><br />one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />A gentleman.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />A gentleman! what gentleman?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />'T is a gentleman here -- a plague o' these pickle-herring! How<br />now, sot!<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Good Sir Toby!<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Ay, marry, what is he?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Let him be the devil, and he will, I care not; give me faith, say<br />I. Well, it's all one.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What's a drunken man like, fool?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madman: one draught above heat<br />makes him a fool; the second mads him; and a third drowns him.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my coz; for he's<br />in the third degree of drink, he's drown'd: go look after him.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look to the<br />madman.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />[Re-enter MALVOLIO.]<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told<br />him you were sick; he takes on him to understand so much, and<br />therefore comes to speak with you. I told him you were asleep; he<br />seems to have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to<br />speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified<br />against any denial.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Tell him he shall not speak with me.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Has been told so; and he says, he'll stand at your door like a<br />sheriff's post, and be the supporter to a bench, but he'll speak<br />with you.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What kind o' man is he?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Why, of mankind.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What manner of man?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Of what personage and years is he?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as a<br />squash is before 't is a peascod, or a codling when 't is almost<br />an apple: 't is with him in standing water, between boy and man.<br />He is very well-favour'd, and he speaks very shrewishly; one<br />would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Gentlewoman, my lady calls.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />[Re-enter MARIA.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Give me my veil; come, throw it o'er my face;<br />We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.<br /><br />[Enter VIOLA, and ATTENDANTS.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />The honourable lady of the house, which is she?<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Speak to me; I shall answer for her. Your will?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty,-- I pray you,<br />tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her: I<br />would be loth to cast away my speech; for, besides that it is<br />excellently well penn'd, I have taken great pains to con it. Good<br />beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very comptible, even to<br />the least sinister usage.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Whence came you, sir?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I can say little more than I have studied, and that question's<br />out of my part. Good gentle one, give me modest assurance if you<br />be the lady of the house, that I may proceed in<br />my speech.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Are you a comedian?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />No, my profound heart; and yet, by the very fangs of malice I<br />swear, I am not that I play. Are you the lady of the house?<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />If I do not usurp myself, I am.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself; for what is<br />yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. But this is from my<br />commission. I will on with my speech in your praise, and then<br />show you the heart of my message.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Come to what is important in't; I forgive you the praise.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 't is poetical.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />It is the more like to be feign'd; I pray you, keep it in. I<br />heard you were saucy at my gates, and allow'd your approach<br />rather to wonder at you than to hear you. If you be not mad, be<br />gone; if you have reason, be brief; 't is not that time of moon<br />with me to make one in so skipping a dialogue.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Will you hoist sail, sir? here lies your way.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />No, good swabber; I am to hull here a little longer. Some<br />mollification for your giant, sweet lady. Tell me your mind; I am<br />a messenger.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver, when the courtesy<br />of it is so fearful. Speak your office.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture of war, no<br />taxation of homage: I hold the olive in my hand; my words are as<br />full of peace as matter.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Yet you began rudely. What are you? what would you?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />The rudeness that hath appear'd in me have I learn'd from my<br />entertainment. What I am, and what I would, are as secret as<br />maidenhead; to your ears, divinity; to any other's, profanation.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Give us the place alone; we will hear this divinity.<br />[Exeunt MARIA and ATTENDANTS.] Now, sir, what is your text?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Most sweet lady,--<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it. Where lies<br />your text?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />In Orsino's bosom.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more to say?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Good madam, let me see your face.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate with my face?<br />You are now out of your text; but we will draw the curtain, and<br />show you the picture. Look you, sir, such a one I was this<br />present; is 't not well done?<br />[Unveiling.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Excellently done, if God did all.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />'T is in grain, sir; 't will endure wind and weather.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />'T is beauty truly blent whose red and white<br />Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on.<br />Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,<br />If you will lead these graces to the grave,<br />And leave the world no copy.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give out divers<br />schedules of my beauty. It shall be inventoried, and every<br />particle and utensil labell'd to my will: as, item, two lips,<br />indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with lids to them; item,<br />one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were you sent hither to praise<br />me?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I see you what you are, you are too proud;<br />But, if you were the devil, you are fair.<br />My lord and master loves you; O, such love<br />Could be but recompens'd, though you were crown'd<br />The nonpareil of beauty!<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />How does he love me?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />With adorations, fertile tears,<br />With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:<br />Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,<br />Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;<br />In voices well divulg'd, free, learn'd, and valiant;<br />And, in dimension and the shape of nature,<br />A gracious person: but yet I cannot love him;<br />He might have took his answer long ago.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />If I did love you in my master's flame,<br />With such a suffering, such a deadly life,<br />In your denial I would find no sense;<br />I would not understand it.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Why, what would you?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Make me a willow cabin at your gate,<br />And call upon my soul within the house;<br />Write loyal cantons of contemned love,<br />And sing them loud even in the dead of night;<br />Halloo your name to the reverberate hills,<br />And make the babbling gossip of the air<br />Cry out, 'Olivia!' O, you should not rest<br />Between the elements of air and earth,<br />But you should pity me!<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />You might do much. What is your parentage?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Above my fortunes, yet my state is well;<br />I am a gentleman.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Get you to your lord;<br />I cannot love him: let him send no more;<br />Unless, perchance, you come to me again,<br />To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well;<br />I thank you for your pains. Spend this for me.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:<br />My master, not myself, lacks recompense.<br />Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;<br />And let your fervour, like my master's, be<br />Plac'd in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />'What is your parentage?'<br />'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well;<br />I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;<br />Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit,<br />Do give thee five-fold blazon. Not too fast! Soft, soft!<br />Unless the master were the man. How now!<br />Even so quickly may one catch the plague?<br />Methinks I feel this youth's perfections<br />With an invisible and subtle stealth<br />To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.<br />What ho, Malvolio!<br /><br />[Re-enter MALVOLIO.]<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Here, madam, at your service.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Run after that same peevish messenger,<br />The county's man: he left this ring behind him,<br />Would I or not; tell him I'll none of it.<br />Desire him not to flatter with his lord,<br />Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him.<br />If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,<br />I'll give him reasons for't. Hie thee, Malvolio.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Madam, I will.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />I do I know not what; and fear to find<br />Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.<br />Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do not owe;<br />What is decreed must be, and be this so!<br />[Exit.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15864 ></span><span id = 15865 >SCENE I. The sea-coast<br /><br />[Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN.]<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Will you stay no longer; nor will you not that I go with you?<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over me: the<br />malignancy of my fate might perhaps distemper yours; therefore I<br />shall crave of you your leave that I may bear my evils alone: it<br />were a bad recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Let me know of you whither you are bound.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />No, sooth, sir; my determinate voyage is mere extravagancy. But I<br />perceive in you so excellent a touch of modesty that you will not<br />extort from me what I am willing to<br />keep in; therefore it charges me in manners the rather to express<br />myself. You must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian,<br />which I called Roderigo. My father was that Sebastian of<br />Messaline whom I know you have heard of. He left behind him<br />myself and a sister, both born in an hour. If the heavens had<br />been pleas'd, would we had so ended! but you, sir, alter'd that;<br />for some hour before you took me from the breach of the sea was<br />my sister drown'd.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Alas the day!<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembl'd me, was yet of<br />many accounted beautiful; but, though I could not, with such<br />estimable wonder, over-far believe that, yet thus far I will<br />boldly publish her: she bore mind that envy could not but call<br />fair. She is drown'd already, sir, with salt water, though I seem<br />to drown her remembrance again with more.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble!<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />If you will not murder me for my love, let me be your servant.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />If you will not undo what you have done, that is, kill him whom<br />you have recover'd, desire it not. Fare ye well at once; my bosom<br />is full of kindness, and I am yet so near the manners of my<br />mother that upon the least occasion more mine eyes will tell<br />tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino's court; farewell.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!<br />I have many enemies in Orsino's court,<br />Else would I very shortly see thee there.<br />But, come what may, I do adore thee so<br />That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15872 >SCENE II. A street<br /><br />[Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following.]<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Were you not ev'n now with the Countess Olivia?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since arriv'd but<br />hither.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />She returns this ring to you, sir; you might have sav'd me my<br />pains, to have taken it away yourself. She adds, moreover, that<br />you should put your lord into a desperate assurance she will none<br />of him; and one thing more, that you be never so hardy to come<br />again in his affairs, unless it be to report your lord's taking<br />of this. Receive it so.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />She took the ring of me; I'll none of it.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her will is it<br />should be so return'd. If it be worth stooping for, there it lies<br />in your eye; if not, be it his that finds it.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I left no ring with her; what means this lady?<br />Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!<br />She made good view of me; indeed, so much<br />That, methought, her eyes had lost her tongue,<br />For she did speak in starts distractedly.<br />She loves me, sure: the cunning of her passion<br />Invites me in this churlish messenger.<br />None of my lord's ring! why, he sent her none.<br />I am the man. If it be so, as 't is,<br />Poor lady, she were better love a dream.<br />Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness,<br />Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.<br />How easy is it for the proper-false<br />In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!<br />Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!<br />For such as we are made of, such we be.<br />How will this fadge? my master loves her dearly;<br />And I, poor monster, fond as much on him,<br />And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.<br />What will become of this? As I am man,<br />My state is desperate for my master's love;<br />As I am woman-- now, alas the day!--<br />What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!<br />O time, thou must untangle this, not I;<br />It is too hard a knot for me to untie!<br />[Exit.]<br /><br /><br /></span><span id = 15882 >SCENE III. OLIVIA'S house<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be a-bed after midnight is to be up<br />betimes; and 'diluculo surgere,' thou know'st--<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Nay, by my troth, I know not; but I know, to be up late is to be<br />up late.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />A false conclusion; I hate it as an unfill'd can. To be up after<br />midnight, and to go to bed then, is early; so that to go to bed<br />after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our life<br />consist of the four elements?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists of eating and<br />drinking.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Thou 'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink. Marian, I<br />say! a stoup of wine!<br /><br />[Enter CLOWN.]<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Here comes the fool, i' faith.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture of 'We Three'?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than<br />forty shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing,<br />as the fool has. In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling<br />last night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians<br />passing the equinoctial of Queubus; 't was very good, i' faith. I<br />sent thee sixpence for thy leman; hadst it?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose is no<br />whipstock; my lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no<br />bottle-ale houses.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now,<br />a song.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />There's a testril of me too. If one knight give a--<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />A love-song, a love-song.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Ay, ay; I care not for good life.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />[Sings.]<br />O mistress mine, where are you roaming?<br />O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,<br />That can sing both high and low:<br />Trip no further, pretty sweeting;<br />Journeys end in lovers meeting,<br />Every wise man's son doth know.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Excellent good, i' faith.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Good, good.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />[Sings.]<br />What is love? 'T is not hereafter;<br />Present mirth hath present laughter;<br />What's to come is still unsure.<br />In delay there lies no plenty,<br />Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,<br />Youth's a stuff will not endure.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />A contagious breath.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make<br />the welkin dance indeed? shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch<br />that will draw three souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And you love me, let's do 't; I am dog at a catch.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be constrain'd in<br />'t to call thee knave, knight.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />'Tis not the first time I have constrain'd one to call me knave.<br />Begin, fool: it begins, 'Hold thy peace.'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I shall never begin, if I hold my peace.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Good, i' faith! Come, begin.<br />[Catch sung.]<br /><br />[Enter MARIA.]<br /><br />MARIA.<br />What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not call'd<br />up her steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors,<br />never trust me.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's a<br />Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.'<br />Am not I consanguineous? am I not of her blood? Tilly-vally;<br />lady! [Sings.] 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Ay, he does well enough if he be dispos'd, and so do I too; he<br />does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[Sings]<br />'O, the twelfth day of December,'--<br /><br />MARIA.<br />For the love o' God, peace!<br /><br />[Enter MALVOLIO.]<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have you no wit,<br />manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of<br />night? Do ye make an alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak<br />out your coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse of<br />voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you<br />that, though she harbours you as her kins-man, she's nothing<br />allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your<br />misdemeanours, you are welcome to the house; if not, and it would<br />please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you<br />farewell.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Nay, good Sir Toby.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Is 't even so?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />'But I will never die.'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Sir Toby, there you lie.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />This is much credit to you.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />'Shall I bid him go?'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />'What and if you do?'<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />'O, no, no, no, no, you dare not.'<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Out o' tune, sir? ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou<br />think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes<br />and ale?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' th' mouth too.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Th 'rt i' th' right. Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. A<br />stoup of wine, Maria!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Mistress Mary, if you priz'd my lady's favour at any thing more<br />than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule.<br />She shall know of it, by this hand.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Go shake your ears.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />'T were as good a deed as to drink when a man's a-hungry, to<br />challenge him the field, and then to break promise with him and<br />make a fool of him.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge; or I'll deliver thy<br />indignation to him by word of mouth.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for to-night; since the youth of the<br />count's was to-day with my lady, she is much out of quiet. For<br />Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him; if I do not gull him<br />into a nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not think I<br />have wit enough to lie straight in my bed: I know I can do it.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />O, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason, dear knight?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I have no exquisite reason for 't, but I have reason good enough.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing constantly, but a<br />time-pleaser; an affection'd ass, that cons state without book,<br />and utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so<br />cramm'd, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is his grounds<br />of faith that all that look on him love him; and on that vice in<br />him will my revenge find notable cause to work.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What wilt thou do?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love; wherein, by<br />the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his<br />gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and<br />complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. I<br />can write very like my lady, your niece; on a forgotten matter we<br />can hardly make distinction of our hands.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Excellent! I smell a device.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I have 't in my nose too.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they<br />come from my niece, and that she's in love with him.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And your horse now would make him an ass.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Ass, I doubt not.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />O, 't will be admirable!<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Sport royal, I warrant you; I know my physic will work with him.<br />I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he<br />shall find the letter; observe his construction of it. For<br />this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Good night, Penthesilea.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Before me, she's a good wench.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me. What o' that?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I was ador'd once too.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i' th' end, call me<br />cut.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />If I do not, never trust me; take it how you will.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 't is too late to go to bed<br />now. Come, knight; come, knight.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /><br /></span><span id = 15884 >SCENE IV.<br /><br />The DUKE'S palace<br /><br />[Enter DUKE, VIOLA, CURIO, and others.]<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.<br />Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,<br />That old and antique song we heard last night;<br />Methought it did relieve my passion much,<br />More than light airs and recollected terms<br />Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times.<br />Come, but one verse.<br /><br />CURIO.<br />He is not here, so please your lordship, that should sing it.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Who was it?<br /><br />CURIO.<br />Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady Olivia's father<br />took much delight in. He is about the house.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Go seek him out, and play the tune the while.<br /><br />[Exit CURIO. Music plays]<br /><br />Come hither, boy. If ever thou shalt love,<br />In the sweet pangs of it remember me;<br />For such as I am all true lovers are,<br />Unstaid and skittish in all motions else,<br />Save in the constant image of the creature<br />That is belov'd. How dost thou like this tune?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />It gives a very echo to the seat<br />Where Love is thron'd.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Thou dost speak masterly:<br />My life upon 't, young though thou art, thine eye<br />Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves;<br />Hath it not, boy?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />A little, by your favour.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />What kind of woman is 't?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Of your complexion.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />About your years, my lord.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Too old, by heaven! let still the woman take<br />An elder than herself; so wears she to him,<br />So sways she level in her husband's heart:<br />For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,<br />Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,<br />More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,<br />Than women's are.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I think it well, my lord.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Then let thy love be younger than thyself,<br />Or thy affection cannot hold the bent;<br />For women are as roses, whose fair flower,<br />Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />And so they are: alas, that they are so;<br />To die, even when they to perfection grow!<br /><br />[Re-enter CURIO and CLOWN.]<br /><br />DUKE.<br />O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.<br />Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;<br />The spinsters and the knitters in the sun,<br />And the free maids that weave their thread with bones,<br />Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,<br />And dallies with the innocence of love,<br />Like the old age.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Are you ready, sir?<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Ay; prithee, sing.<br /><br />[Music]<br /><br />SONG<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Come away, come away, death,<br />And in sad cypress let me be laid;<br />Fly away, fly away, breath;<br />I am slain by a fair cruel maid.<br />My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,<br />O, prepare it!<br />My part of death, no one so true<br />Did share it.<br /><br />Not a flower, not a flower sweet,<br />On my black coffin let there be strown;<br />Not a friend, not a friend greet<br />My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown.<br />A thousand thousand sighs to save,<br />Lay me, O, where<br />Sad true lover never find my grave,<br />To weep there!<br /><br />DUKE.<br />There 's for thy pains.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />No pains, sir; I take pleasure in singing, sir.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />I 'll pay thy pleasure, then.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid one time or another.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Give me now leave to leave thee.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Now the melancholy god protect thee; and the tailor make thy<br />doublet of changeable taffeta, for thy mind is a very opal. I<br />would have men of such constancy put to sea, that their business<br />might be every thing, and their intent every where; for that 's<br />it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Let all the rest give place.<br /><br />[CURIO and ATTENDANTS retire.]<br /><br />Once more, Cesario,<br />Get thee to yond same sovereign cruelty.<br />Tell her my love, more noble than the world,<br />Prizes not quantity of dirty lands;<br />The parts that fortune hath bestow'd upon her,<br />Tell her, I hold as giddily as fortune;<br />But 't is that miracle and queen of gems<br />That Nature pranks her in attracts my soul.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />But if she cannot love you, sir?<br /><br />DUKE.<br />I cannot be so answer'd.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Sooth, but you must.<br />Say that some lady, as perhaps there is,<br />Hath for your love as great a pang of heart<br />As you have for Olivia: you cannot love her;<br />You tell her so; must she not, then, be answer'd?<br /><br />DUKE.<br />There is no woman's sides<br />Can bide the beating of so strong a passion<br />As love doth give my heart; no woman's heart<br />So big to hold so much; they lack retention.<br />Alas, their love may be call'd appetite--<br />No motion of the liver, but the palate--<br />That suffer surfeit, cloyment, and revolt;<br />But mine is all as hungry as the sea,<br />And can digest as much. Make no compare<br />Between that love a woman can bear me<br />And that I owe Olivia.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Ay, but I know--<br /><br />DUKE.<br />What dost thou know?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Too well what love women to men may owe;<br />In faith, they are as true of heart as we.<br />My father had a daughter lov'd a man,<br />As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,<br />I should your lordship.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />And what's her history?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />A blank, my lord. She never told her love,<br />But let concealment, like a worm i' th' bud,<br />Feed on her damask cheek; she pin'd in thought,<br />And with a green and yellow melancholy,<br />She sat, like patience on a monument,<br />Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?<br />We men may say more, swear more; but indeed<br />Our shows are more than will; for still we prove<br />Much in our vows, but little in our love.<br /><br />DUKE.<br />But died thy sister of her love, my boy?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I am all the daughters of my father's house,<br />And all the brothers too; and yet I know not.<br />Sir, shall I to this lady?<br /><br />DUKE.<br />Ay, that's the theme.<br />To her in haste; give her this jewel; say,<br />My love can give no place, bide no denay.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15885 >SCENE V.<br /><br />OLIVIA'S garden.<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport, let me be<br />boil'd to death with melancholy.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly rascally<br />sheep-biter come by some notable shame?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />I would exult, man; you know he brought me out o' favour with my<br />lady about a bear-baiting here.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />To anger him, we'll have the bear again; and we will fool him<br />black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And we do not, it is pity of our lives.<br /><br />[Enter MARIA.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Here comes the little villain.<br />How now, my metal of India!<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Get ye all three into the box-tree; Malvolio's coming down this<br />walk. He has been yonder i' the sun practising behaviour to his<br />own shadow this half hour. Observe him, for the love of mockery;<br />for I know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of him.<br />Close, in the name of jesting! Lie thou there [throws down a<br />letter], for here comes the trout that must be caught with<br />tickling.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />[Enter MALVOLIO.]<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'T is but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told me she did<br />affect me; and I have heard herself come thus near, that, should<br />she fancy, it should be one of my complexion. Besides, she uses<br />me with a more exalted respect than any one else that follows<br />her. What should I think on 't?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Here 's an overweening rogue!<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock of him; how he<br />jets under his advanc'd plumes!<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Peace, I say.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />To be Count Malvolio!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Ah, rogue!<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Pistol him, pistol him.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Peace, peace!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />There is example for't: the lady of the Strachy married the<br />yeoman of the wardrobe.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Fie on him, Jezebel!<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />O, peace! now he's deeply in; look how imagination blows him.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Having been three months married to her, sitting in my state,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Calling my officers about me, in my branch'd velvet gown; having<br />come from a day-bed, where I have left Olivia sleeping,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Fire and brimstone!<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />O, peace, peace!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />And then to have the humour of state; and, after a demure travel<br />of regard, telling them I know my place, as I would they should<br />do theirs, to ask for my kinsman Toby,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Bolts and shackles!<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />O, peace, peace, peace! now, now.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make out for him: I<br />frown the while; and perchance wind up my watch, or play with<br />my-- some rich jewel. Toby approaches; curtsies there to me,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Shall this fellow live?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar smile with an<br />austere regard of control,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips, then?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on your niece,<br />give me this prerogative of speech,'--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What, what?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'You must amend your drunkenness.'--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Out, scab!<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with a foolish<br />knight,'--<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />That's me, I warrant you.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'One Sir Andrew.'<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I knew 't was I; for many do call me fool.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />What employment have we here?<br />[Taking up the letter.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Now is the woodcock near the gin.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />O, peace! and the spirit of humours intimate reading aloud to<br />him!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />By my life, this is my lady's hand: these be her very C's, her<br />U's, and her T's; and thus makes she her great P's. It is, in<br />contempt of question, her hand.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Her C's, her U's, and her T's; why that?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />[Reads]<br />To the unknown beloved, this, and my good wishes:-- her very<br />phrases! By your leave, wax. Soft! and the impressure her<br />Lucrece, with which she uses to seal; 't is my lady. To whom<br />should this be?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />This wins him, liver and all.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />[Reads]<br />Jove knows I love;<br />But who?<br />Lips, do not move;<br />No man must know.<br /><br />'No man must know.' What follows? the numbers alter'd!<br />'No man must know.' If this should be thee, Malvolio?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Marry, hang thee, brock!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />[Reads]<br />I may command where I adore;<br />But silence, like a Lucrece knife,<br />With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:<br />M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />A fustian riddle!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Excellent wench, say I.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let me see, let<br />me see, let me see.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />What dish o' poison has she dress'd him!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />And with what wing the staniel checks at it!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command me; I serve<br />her; she is my lady. Why, this is evident to any formal capacity;<br />there is no obstruction in this: and the end,-- what should that<br />alphabetical position portend? if I could make that resemble<br />something in me!-- Softly! M, O, A, I,--<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />O, ay, make up that; he is now at a cold scent.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Sowter will cry upon 't for all this, though it be as rank as a<br />fox.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />M,-- Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is excellent at<br />faults.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />M,-- but then there is no consonancy in the sequel; that suffers<br />under probation: A should follow, but O does.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />And O shall end, I hope.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Ay, or I 'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />And then I comes behind.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see more detraction<br />at your heels than fortunes before you.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former; and yet, to<br />crush this a little, it would bow to me, for every one of these<br />letters are in my name. Soft! here follows prose.<br />-- [Reads] 'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I am<br />above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great,<br />some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.<br />Thy Fates open their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace<br />them; and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast thy<br />humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly<br />with servants; let thy tongue tang arguments of state; put<br />thyself into the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee that<br />sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and<br />wish'd to see thee ever cross-garter'd. I say, remember. Go to,<br />thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so; if not, let me see thee<br />a steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to touch<br />Fortune's fingers. Farewell. She that would alter services with<br />thee,<br />THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.<br /><br />Daylight and champain discovers not more; this is open. I will be<br />proud, I will read politic authors, I will baffle Sir Toby, I<br />will wash off gross acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very<br />man. I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for<br />every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did<br />commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being<br />cross-garter'd; and in this she manifests herself to my love, and<br />with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits of her<br />liking. I thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout,<br />in yellow stockings, and cross-garter'd, even with the swiftness<br />of putting on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a<br />postscript.<br /><br />[Reads] Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou<br />entertain'st my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles<br />become thee well; therefore in my presence still smile, dear my<br />sweet, I prithee.<br /><br />Jove, I thank thee. I will smile; I will do everything that thou<br />wilt have me.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands<br />to be paid from the Sophy.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I could marry this wench for this device.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />So could I too.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Nor I neither.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Here comes my noble gull-catcher.<br /><br />[Re-enter MARIA.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Or o' mine either?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and become thy bond-slave?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I' faith, or I either?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the image of it<br />leaves him he must run mad.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark his first<br />approach before my lady. He will come to her in yellow stockings,<br />and 't is a colour she abhors; and cross-garter'd, a fashion she<br />detests; and he will smile upon her, which will now be so<br />unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as<br />she is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt. If<br />you will see it, follow me.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I'll make one too.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15889 ></span><span id = 15891 >OLIVIA'S garden.<br /><br />[Enter VIOLA, and CLOWN with a tabor.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Save thee, friend, and thy music! dost thou live by thy tabor?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />No, sir, I live by the church.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Art thou a churchman?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for I do live at my<br />house, and my house doth stand by the church.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a beggar dwell<br />near him; or the church stands by thy tabor, if thy tabor stand<br />by the church.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a cheveril<br />glove to a good wit; how quickly the wrong side may be turn'd<br />outward!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with words may<br />quickly make them wanton.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Why, man?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that word might<br />make my sister wanton. But, indeed, words are very rascals since<br />bonds disgrac'd them.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Thy reason, man?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and words are<br />grown so false, I am loth to prove reason with them.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for nothing.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Not so, sir; I do care for something; but in my conscience, sir,<br />I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing, sir, I<br />would it would make you invisible.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she will keep no<br />fool, sir, till she be married; and fools are as like husbands as<br />pilchards are to herrings, the husband's the bigger. I am,<br />indeed, not her fool, but her corrupter of words.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun, it shines<br />everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft<br />with your master as with my mistress. I think I saw your<br />wisdom there.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Nay, and thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee. Hold,<br />there's expenses for thee.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for one; [Aside]<br />though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy lady within?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Yes, being kept together and put to use.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a Cressida<br />to this Troilus.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I understand you, sir; 't is well begg'd.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar.<br />Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir. I will construe to<br />them whence you come; who you are and what you would are out of<br />my welkin,-- I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;<br />And to do that well craves a kind of wit:<br />He must observe their mood on whom he jests,<br />The quality of persons, and the time;<br />And, like the haggard, check at every feather<br />That comes before his eye. This is a practice<br />As full of labour as a wise man's art:<br />For folly that he wisely shows is fit;<br />But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Save you, gentleman!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />And you, sir.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Dieu vous garde, monsieur.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous you should<br />enter, if your trade be to her.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the list of my<br />voyage.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what you<br />mean by bidding me taste my legs.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I mean, to go, sir, to enter.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we are prevented.<br /><br />[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.]<br /><br />Most excellent accomplish'd lady, the heavens rain odours on you!<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />That youth's a rare courtier. 'Rain odours'; well.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own most pregnant and<br />vouchsafed ear.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />'Odours,' 'pregnant,' and 'vouchsafed': I'll get 'em all three<br />all ready.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.<br />[Exeunt SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA.] Give me your hand, sir.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />My duty, madam, and most humble service.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What is your name?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />My servant, sir! 'T was never merry world<br />Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment;<br />You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />And he is yours, and his must needs be yours;<br />Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />For him, I think not on him; for his thoughts,<br />Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts<br />On his behalf.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />O, by your leave, I pray you,<br />I bade you never speak again of him;<br />But, would you undertake another suit,<br />I had rather hear you to solicit that<br />Than music from the spheres.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Dear lady,--<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,<br />After the last enchantment you did here,<br />A ring in chase of you; so did I abuse<br />Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.<br />Under your hard construction must I sit,<br />To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,<br />Which you knew none of yours; what might you think?<br />Have you not set mine honour at the stake,<br />And baited it with all th' unmuzzled thoughts<br />That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving<br />Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom,<br />Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I pity you.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />That's a degree to love.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />No, not a grize; for 't is a vulgar proof,<br />That very oft we pity enemies.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Why, then methinks 't is time to smile again.<br />O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!<br />If one should be a prey, how much the better<br />To fall before the lion than the wolf! [Clock strikes]<br />The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.<br />Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you;<br />And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,<br />Your wife is like to reap a proper man.<br />There lies your way, due west.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition<br />Attend your ladyship!<br />You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Stay:<br />I prithee, tell me what thou think'st of me.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />That you do think you are not what you are.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />If I think so, I think the same of you.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Then think you right; I am not what I am.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />I would you were as I would have you be!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Would it be better, madam, than I am?<br />I wish it might, for now I am your fool.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful<br />In the contempt and anger of his lip!<br />A murd'rous guilt shows not itself more soon<br />Than love that would seem hid; love's night is noon.<br />Cesario, by the roses of the spring,<br />By maidhood, honour, truth, and every thing,<br />I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,<br />Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.<br />Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,<br />For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;<br />But rather reason thus with reason fetter,<br />Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />By innocence I swear, and by my youth,<br />I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,<br />And that no woman has; nor never none<br />Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.<br />And so adieu, good madam; never more<br />Will I my master's tears to you deplore.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move<br />That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15893 >SCENE II.<br /><br />OLIVIA'S house<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW and FABIAN.]<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the count's<br />serving-man than ever she bestow'd upon me; I saw 't i' th'<br />orchard.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />As plain as I see you now.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />This was a great argument of love in her toward you.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment and<br />reason.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />And they have been grand-jurymen since before Noah was a sailor.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />She did show favour to the youth in your sight only to exasperate<br />you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your heart,<br />and brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her;<br />and with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should<br />have bang'd the youth into dumbness. This was look'd for at your<br />hand, and this was balk'd: the double gilt of this opportunity<br />you let time wash off, and you are now sail'd into the north of<br />my lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle on<br />Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by some laudable<br />attempt either of valour or policy.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy I hate: I<br />had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour.<br />Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in<br />eleven places: my niece shall take note of it; and assure<br />thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in<br />man's commendation with woman than report of valour.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no<br />matter how witty, so it be eloquent and full of invention; taunt<br />him with the license of ink; if thou thou'st him some<br />thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in<br />thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the<br />bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it. Let there be<br />gall enough in thy ink; though thou write with a goose-pen, no<br />matter: about it.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Where shall I find you?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />We'll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.<br /><br />[Exit SIR ANDREW.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />This is a dear manakin to you, Sir Toby.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand strong, or so.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />We shall have a rare letter from him; but you'll not deliver 't?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the youth to an<br />answer. I think oxen and wain-ropes cannot hale them together.<br />For Andrew, if he were open'd, and you find so much blood in his<br />liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of th'<br />anatomy.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great presage<br />of cruelty.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Look where the youngest wren of nine comes.<br /><br />[Enter MARIA.]<br /><br />MARIA.<br />If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into<br />stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is turn'd heathen, a very<br />renegado; for there is no Christian, that means to be sav'd by<br />believing rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of<br />grossness. He's in yellow stockings.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />And cross-garter'd?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Most villainously; like a pedant that keeps a school i' th'<br />church. I have dogg'd him, like his murderer. He does obey every<br />point of the letter that I dropp'd to betray him; he does smile<br />his face into more lines than is in the new map, with the<br />augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such a thing as 't<br />is. I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know my lady<br />will strike him; if she do, he'll smile, and take 't for a great<br />favour.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come, bring us, bring us where he is.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15897 >SCENE III.<br /><br />A street<br /><br />[Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO.]<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I would not by my will have troubled you;<br />But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,<br />I will no further chide you.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />I could not stay behind you: my desire,<br />More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth;<br />And not all love to see you, though so much<br />As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,<br />But jealousy what might befall your travel,<br />Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger,<br />Unguided and unfriended, often prove<br />Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,<br />The rather by these arguments of fear,<br />Set forth in your pursuit.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />My kind Antonio,<br />I can no other answer make but thanks,<br />And thanks, and ever thanks; too oft good turns<br />Are shuffl'd off with such uncurrent pay:<br />But, were my worth as is my conscience firm,<br />You should find better dealing. What's to do?<br />Shall we go see the reliques of this town?<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />To-morrow, sir; best first go see your lodging.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I am not weary, and 't is long to night;<br />I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes<br />With the memorials and the things of fame<br />That do renown this city.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Would you'd pardon me;<br />I do not without danger walk these streets.<br />Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst the count his galleys<br />I did some service; of such note indeed,<br />That, were I ta'en here, it would scarce be answer'd.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Belike you slew great number of his people.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature;<br />Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel<br />Might well have given us bloody argument.<br />It might have since been answer'd in repaying<br />What we took from them; which, for traffic's sake,<br />Most of our city did: only myself stood out;<br />For which, if I be lapsed in this place,<br />I shall pay dear.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Do not then walk too open.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse.<br />In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,<br />Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet,<br />Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge<br />With viewing of the town; there shall you have me.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Why I your purse?<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Haply your eye shall light upon some toy<br />You have desire to purchase; and your store,<br />I think, is not for idle markets, sir.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I'll be your purse-bearer, and leave you<br />For an hour.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />To th' Elephant.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I do remember.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15900 >SCENE IV.<br /><br />OLIVIA'S garden<br /><br />[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />I have sent after him; he says he'll come.<br />How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?<br />For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.<br />I speak too loud.<br />Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil,<br />And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.<br />Where is Malvolio?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />He's coming, madam, but in very strange manner.<br />He is, sure, possess'd, madam.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Why, what's the matter? does he rave?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your ladyship were best to<br />have some guard about you, if he come; for, sure, the man is<br />tainted in's wits.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Go call him hither.<br /><br />[Exit MARIA.]<br /><br />I am as mad as he,<br />If sad and merry madness equal be.<br /><br />[Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO.]<br /><br />How now Malvolio!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sweet lady, ho, ho.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Smil'st thou?<br />I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sad, lady! I could be sad; this does make some obstruction in the<br />blood, this cross-gartering; but what of that? if it please the<br />eye of one, it is with me as the very true<br />sonnet is, 'Please one, and please all.'<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to<br />his hands, and commands shall be executed; I think we do know the<br />sweet Roman hand.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so<br />oft?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />How do you, Malvolio?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'Be not afraid of greatness'; 'twas well writ.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'Some are born great,'--<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Ha!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'Some achieve greatness,'--<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />What say'st thou?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Heaven restore thee!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Thy yellow stockings!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'And wish'd to see thee cross-garter'd.'<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Cross-garter'd!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'Go to, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so;'--<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Am I made?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Why, this is very midsummer madness.<br /><br />[Enter SERVANT.]<br /><br />SERVANT.<br />Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is return'd: I<br />could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's<br />pleasure.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />I'll come to him. [Exit SERVANT] Good Maria, let this fellow be<br />look'd to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a<br />special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half<br />of my dowry.<br /><br />[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA.]<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to<br />look to me! This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him<br />on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me<br />to that in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she; 'be<br />opposite with kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang<br />with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of<br />singularity'; and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a<br />sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of<br />some sir of note, and so forth. I have lim'd her; but it is<br />Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away<br />now, 'Let this fellow be look'd to'; fellow! not Malvolio, nor<br />after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together,<br />that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle,<br />no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,-- what can be said?<br />Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of<br />my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be<br />thank'd.<br /><br />[Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY and FABIAN.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of<br />hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I<br />'ll speak to him.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Here he is, here he is. How is 't with you, sir? how is 't with<br />you, man?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private; go off.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you?<br />Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Ah, ha! does she so?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently with him: let me<br />alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is 't with you? What, man! defy<br />the devil; consider, he 's an enemy to mankind.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Do you know what you say?<br /><br />MARIA.<br />La you, and you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart!<br />Pray God, he be not bewitch'd! My lady would not lose him for<br />more than I 'll say.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />How now, mistress!<br /><br />MARIA.<br />O Lord!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you<br />move him? let me alone with him.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and<br />will not be roughly us'd.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sir!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 't is not for gravity to play<br />at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him, foul collier!<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Get him to say his prayers; good Sir Toby, get him to pray.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />My prayers, minx!<br /><br />MARIA.<br />No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things. I am not of<br />your element; you shall know more hereafter.<br /><br />[Exit.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Is 't possible?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an<br />improbable fiction.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Why, we shall make him mad indeed.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />The house will be the quieter.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come, we 'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is<br />already in the belief that he 's mad: we may carry it thus, for<br />our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of<br />breath, prompt us to have mercy on him; at which time we will<br />bring the device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of<br />madmen. But see, but see.<br /><br />[Enter SIR ANDREW.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />More matter for a May morning.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Here 's the challenge, read it; I warrant there 's vinegar and<br />pepper in 't.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Is 't so saucy?<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Ay, is 't, I warrant him; do but read.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Give me. [Reads] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a<br />scurvy fellow.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Good and valiant.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[Reads] Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call<br />thee so, for I will show thee no reason for 't.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[Reads] Thou com'st to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses<br />thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter<br />I challenge thee for.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Very brief, and to exceeding good sense-- less.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[Reads] I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance<br />to kill me,--<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Good.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[Reads.] Thou kill 'st me like a rogue and a villain.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Still you keep o' th' windy side of the law; good.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[Reads] Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon one of our souls!<br />He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look<br />to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,<br />ANDREW AGUECHEEK.<br />If this letter move him not, his legs cannot; I'll give 't him.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />You may have very fit occasion for 't; he is now in some commerce<br />with my lady, and will by and by depart.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard,<br />like a bum-baily. So soon as ever thou see'st him, draw; and as<br />thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a<br />terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twang'd off,<br />gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have<br />earn'd him. Away!<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Nay, let me alone for swearing.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Now will not I deliver his letter; for the behaviour of the young<br />gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his<br />employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less:<br />therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed<br />no terror in the youth; he will find it comes from a clodpole.<br />But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon<br />Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as<br />I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous<br />opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so<br />fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look,<br />like cockatrices.<br /><br />[Re-enter OLIVIA with VIOLA.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Here he comes with your niece; give them way till he take leave,<br />and presently after him.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a<br />challenge.<br /><br />[Exeunt SIR TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />I have said too much unto a heart of stone,<br />And laid mine honour too unchary out.<br />There 's something in me that reproves my fault;<br />But such a headstrong potent fault it is,<br />That it but mocks reproof.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />With the same haviour that your passion bears,<br />Goes on my master's grief.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Here, wear this jewel for me, 't is my picture:<br />Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you:<br />And I beseech you come again to-morrow.<br />What shall you ask of me that I 'll deny,<br />That honour sav'd may upon asking give?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Nothing but this,-- your true love for my master.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />How with mine honour may I give him that<br />Which I have given to you?<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I will acquit you.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Well, come again to-morrow; fare thee well.<br />A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />[Re-enter SIR TOBY and FABIAN.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Gentleman, God save thee!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />And you, sir.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />That defence thou hast, betake thee to 't. Of what nature the<br />wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter,<br />full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the<br />orchard-end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation; for<br />thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me: my<br />remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done<br />to any man.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />You'll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if you hold<br />your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your<br />opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath can<br />furnish man withal.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I pray you, sir, what is he?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />He is knight, dubb'd with unhatch'd rapier and on carpet<br />consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and<br />bodies hath he divorc'd three; and his incensement at this moment<br />is so implacable that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of<br />death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give 't or take 't.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the<br />lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put<br />quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour; belike this<br />is a man of that quirk.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent<br />injury. Therefore get you on and give him his desire. Back you<br />shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with<br />me which with as much safety you might answer him. Therefore on,<br />or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that 's<br />certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this<br />courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him<br />is; it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my<br />return.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />I know the knight is incens'd against you, even to a mortal<br />arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I beseech you, what manner of man is he?<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as<br />you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is,<br />indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that<br />you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you<br />walk towards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I shall be much bound to you for 't. I am one that had rather go<br />with sir priest than sir knight; I care not who knows so much of<br />my mettle.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br />[Re-enter SIR TOBY, with SIR ANDREW.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had<br />a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the<br />stuck in with such a mortal motion that it is<br />inevitable; and, on the answer, he pays you as surely as your<br />feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to<br />the Sophy.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Pox on 't, I'll not meddle with him.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Ay, but he will not now be pacified; Fabian can scarce hold him<br />yonder.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Plague on 't; and I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in<br />fence, I'd have seen him damn'd ere I 'd have challeng'd him. Let<br />him let the matter slip, and I 'll give him my horse, gray<br />Capilet.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I 'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good show on 't; this<br />shall end without the perdition of souls. [Aside] Marry, I 'll<br />ride your horse as well as I ride you.<br /><br />[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA.]<br /><br />[To FABIAN] I have his horse to take up the quarrel; I have<br />persuaded him the youth 's a devil.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and looks pale, as<br />if a bear were at his heels.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />[To VIOLA] There 's no remedy, sir: he will fight with you for 's<br />oath sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel,<br />and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore<br />draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not<br />hurt you.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />[Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell<br />them how much I lack of a man.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Give ground, if you see him furious.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his<br />honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello<br />avoid it; but he has promis'd me, as he is a gentleman and a<br />soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to 't.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Pray God, he keep his oath!<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I do assure you 't is against my will. [They draw]<br /><br />[Enter ANTONIO.]<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Put up your sword. If this young gentleman<br />Have done offence, I take the fault on me;<br />If you offend him, I for him defy you.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />You, sir! why, what are you?<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more<br />Than you have heard him brag to you he will.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.<br />[They draw]<br /><br />[Enter OFFICERS.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I 'll be with you anon.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promis'd you, I 'll be as<br />good as my word; he will bear you easily, and reins well.<br /><br />1 OFFICER.<br />This is the man; do thy office.<br /><br />2 OFFICER.<br />Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit<br />Of Count Orsino.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />You do mistake me, sir.<br /><br />1 OFFICER.<br />No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,<br />Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.<br />Take him away; he knows I know him well.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />I must obey. [To VIOLA] This comes with seeking you:<br />But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.<br />What will you do, now my necessity<br />Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me<br />Much more for what I cannot do for you<br />Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz'd;<br />But be of comfort.<br /><br />2 OFFICER.<br />Come, sir, away.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />I must entreat of you some of that money.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />What money, sir?<br />For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,<br />And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,<br />Out of my lean and low ability<br />I 'll lend you something. My having is not much;<br />I 'll make division of my present with you:<br />Hold, there 's half my coffer.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Will you deny me now?<br />Is 't possible that my deserts to you<br />Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,<br />Lest that it make me so unsound a man<br />As to upbraid you with those kindnesses<br />That I have done for you.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />I know of none;<br />Nor know I you by voice or any feature.<br />I hate ingratitude more in a man<br />Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,<br />Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption<br />Inhabits our frail blood.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />O heavens themselves!<br /><br />2 OFFICER.<br />Come, sir, I pray you, go.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here<br />I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,<br />Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love,<br />And to his image, which methought did promise<br />Most venerable worth, did I devotion.<br /><br />1 OFFICER.<br />What 's that to us? The time goes by; away!<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />But O how vile an idol proves this god!<br />Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.<br />In nature there 's no blemish but the mind;<br />None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind.<br />Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous evil<br />Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil.<br /><br />1 OFFICER.<br />The man grows mad; away with him!<br />Come, come, sir.<br /><br />ANTONIO.<br />Lead me on.<br /><br />[Exit with OFFICERS.]<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />Methinks his words do from such passion fly<br />That he believes himself; so do not I.<br />Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,<br />That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian; we 'll whisper o'er a<br />couplet or two of most sage saws.<br /><br />VIOLA.<br />He nam'd Sebastian. I my brother know<br />Yet living in my glass; even such and so<br />In favour was my brother; and he went<br />Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,<br />For him I imitate. O, if it prove,<br />Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his<br />dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and<br />denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />And I do not,--<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />FABIAN.<br />Come, let's see the event.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />I dare lay any money 't will be nothing yet.<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15906 ></span><span id = 15907 >SCENE I.<br /><br />Before OLIVIA'S house.<br /><br />[Enter SEBASTIAN and CLOWN.]<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow;<br />Let me be clear of thee.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent<br />to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name<br />is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing<br />that is so is so.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else;<br />Thou know'st not me.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now<br />applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great<br />lubber, the world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird<br />thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady; shall<br />I vent to her that thou art coming?<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me.<br />There 's money for thee; if you tarry longer,<br />I shall give worse payment.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give<br />fools money get themselves a good report after fourteen years'<br />purchase.<br /><br />[Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY, and FABIAN.]<br /><br />SR ANDREW.<br />Now, sir, have I met you again? there 's for you.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Why, there 's for thee, and there, and there.<br />Are all the people mad?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Hold, sir, or I 'll throw your dagger o'er the house.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />This will I tell my lady straight. I would not be in some of your<br />coats for twopence.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come on, sir; hold.<br /><br />SIR ANDREW.<br />Nay, let him alone: I 'll go another way to work with him; I 'll<br />have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in<br />Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it 's no matter for<br />that.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Let go thy hand.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up<br />your iron: you are well flesh'd; come on.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now?<br />If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this<br />malapert blood from you.<br /><br />[Enter OLIVIA.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Madam!<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,<br />Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,<br />Where manners ne'er were preach'd! Out of my sight!<br />Be not offended, dear Cesario.<br />Rudesby, be gone!<br /><br />[Exeunt SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN.]<br /><br />I prithee, gentle friend,<br />Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway<br />In this uncivil and unjust extent<br />Against thy peace. Go with me to my house;<br />And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks<br />This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby<br />Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go;<br />Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,<br />He started one poor heart of mine in thee.<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />What relish is in this? how runs the stream?<br />Or I am mad, or else this is a dream.<br />Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;<br />If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Nay, come, I prithee. Would thou'dst be rul'd by me!<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />Madam, I will.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />O, say so, and so be!<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /></span><span id = 15909 >SCENE II.<br /><br />OLIVIA'S house.<br /><br />[Enter MARIA and CLOWN.]<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; make him believe<br />thou art Sir Topas the curate: do it quickly; I 'll call Sir Toby<br />the whilst.<br />[Exit.]<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Well, I 'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in 't; and I<br />would I were the first that ever dissembl'd in such a gown. I am<br />not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to<br />be thought a good student; but to be said an honest man and a<br />good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a<br />great scholar. The competitors enter.<br /><br />[Enter SIR TOBY and MARIA.]<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Jove bless thee, master parson!<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of Prague, that<br />never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to niece of King<br />Gorboduc, 'That that is is'; so I, being master parson, am master<br />parson; for, what is 'that' but 'that,' and 'is' but 'is'?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />To him, Sir Topas.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />What, ho, I say, peace in this prison!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />[Within] Who calls there?<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man! talkest thou<br />nothing but of ladies?<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />Well said, master parson.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sir Topas, never was man thus wrong'd; good Sir Topas, do not<br />think I am mad: they have laid me here in hideous darkness.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms;<br />for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself<br />with courtesy. Say'st thou that house is dark?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />As hell, Sir Topas.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Why, it hath bay-windows transparent as barricadoes, and the<br />clerestories toward the south north are as lustrous as ebony; and<br />yet complainest thou of obstruction?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />I am not mad, Sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness but ignorance;<br />in which thou art more puzzl'd than the Egyptians in their fog.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were<br />as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abus'd. I am<br />no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant<br />question.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />What think'st thou of his opinion?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness; thou shalt hold<br />th' opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear<br />to kill a woodcock lest thou dispossess the soul of thy<br />grandam. Fare thee well.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sir Topas, Sir Topas!<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />My most exquisite Sir Topas!<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Nay, I am for all waters.<br /><br />MARIA.<br />Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown; he sees<br />thee not.<br /><br />SIR TOBY.<br />To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou find'st<br />him; I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be<br />conveniently deliver'd, I would he were, for I am now so far in<br />offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this<br />sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.<br /><br />[Exeunt SIR TOBY and MARIA.]<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />[Singing] Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,<br />Tell me how thy lady does.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Fool,--<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />My lady is unkind, perdy.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Fool,--<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Alas, why is she so?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Fool, I say,--<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />She loves another-- Who calls, ha?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to<br />a candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will<br />live to be thankful to thee for't.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Master Malvolio?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Ay, good fool.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Fool, there was never man so notoriously abus'd; I am as well in<br />my wits, fool, as thou art.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your<br />wits than a fool.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers<br />to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Advise you what you say; the minister is here. Malvolio,<br />Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to<br />sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Sir Topas!<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I, sir? not I, sir.<br />God be wi' you, good Sir Topas! Marry, amen. I will, sir, I<br />will.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Fool, fool, fool, I say!<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking<br />to you.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee, I<br />am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Well-a-day that you were, sir!<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light; and<br />convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee<br />more than ever the bearing of letter did.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />I will help you to 't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed,<br />or do you but counterfeit?<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will<br />fetch you light and paper and ink.<br /><br />MALVOLIO.<br />Fool, I 'll requite it in the highest degree; I prithee, be gone.<br /><br />CLOWN.<br />[Singing]<br />I am gone, sir,<br />And anon, sir,<br />I 'll be with you again,<br />In a trice,<br />Like to the old Vice,<br />Your need to sustain;<br />Who, with dagger of lath,<br />In his rage and his wrath,<br />Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:<br />Like a mad lad,<br />Pare thy nails, dad;<br />Adieu, goodman devil.<br /><br />[Exit.]<br /><br /><br /></span><span id = 15910 >SCENE III.<br /><br />OLIVIA'S garden.<br /><br />[Enter SEBASTIAN.]<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />This is the air; that is the glorious sun;<br />This pearl she gave me, I do feel 't and see 't;<br />And though 't is wonder that enwraps me thus,<br />Yet 't is not madness. Where 's Antonio, then?<br />I could not find him at the Elephant:<br />Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,<br />That he did range the town to seek me out.<br />His counsel now might do me golden service;<br />For though my soul disputes well with my sense,<br />That this may be some error, but no madness,<br />Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune<br />So far exceed all instance, all discourse,<br />That I am ready to distrust mine eyes<br />And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me<br />To any other trust but that I am mad,<br />Or else the lady 's mad; yet if 't were so,<br />She could not sway her house, command her followers,<br />Take and give back affairs and their dispatch<br />With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing<br />As I perceive she does. There 's something in 't<br />That is deceivable. But here the lady comes.<br /><br />[Enter OLIVIA and PRIEST.]<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,<br />Now go with me and with this holy man<br />Into the chantry by. There, before him,<br />And underneath that consecrated roof,<br />Plight me the full assurance of your faith;<br />That my most jealous and too doubtful soul<br />May live at peace. He shall conceal it<br />Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,<br />What time we will our celebration keep<br />According to my birth. What do you say?<br /><br />SEBASTIAN.<br />I 'll follow this good man, and go with you;<br />And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.<br /><br />OLIVIA.<br />Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine<br />That they may fairly note this act of mine!<br /><br />[Exeunt.]<br /><br /><br /></span><span id = 15912 ></span><span id = 18207 ><p>SCENE I. Before OLIVIA's house.</p><p>Enter Clown and FABIAN <br />FABIAN <br />Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.</p><p>Clown <br />Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.</p><p>FABIAN <br />Any thing.</p><p>Clown <br />Do not desire to see this letter.</p><p>FABIAN <br />This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my<br />dog again.</p><p>Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and Lords</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?</p><p>Clown <br />Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?</p><p>Clown <br />Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse<br />for my friends.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.</p><p>Clown <br />No, sir, the worse.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />How can that be?</p><p>Clown <br />Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;<br />now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by<br />my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,<br />and by my friends, I am abused: so that,<br />conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives<br />make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for<br />my friends and the better for my foes.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Why, this is excellent.</p><p>Clown <br />By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be<br />one of my friends.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.</p><p>Clown <br />But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would<br />you could make it another.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />O, you give me ill counsel.</p><p>Clown <br />Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,<br />and let your flesh and blood obey it.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a<br />double-dealer: there's another.</p><p>Clown <br />Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old<br />saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,<br />sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of<br />Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:<br />if you will let your lady know I am here to speak<br />with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake<br />my bounty further.</p><p>Clown <br />Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come<br />again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think<br />that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:<br />but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I<br />will awake it anon.</p><p>Exit</p><p>VIOLA <br />Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.</p><p>Enter ANTONIO and Officers</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />That face of his I do remember well;<br />Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd<br />As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:<br />A bawbling vessel was he captain of,<br />For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;<br />With which such scathful grapple did he make<br />With the most noble bottom of our fleet,<br />That very envy and the tongue of loss<br />Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?</p><p>First Officer <br />Orsino, this is that Antonio<br />That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy;<br />And this is he that did the Tiger board,<br />When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:<br />Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,<br />In private brabble did we apprehend him.</p><p>VIOLA <br />He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;<br />But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:<br />I know not what 'twas but distraction.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!<br />What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,<br />Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,<br />Hast made thine enemies?</p><p>ANTONIO <br />Orsino, noble sir,<br />Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:<br />Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,<br />Though I confess, on base and ground enough,<br />Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:<br />That most ingrateful boy there by your side,<br />From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth<br />Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:<br />His life I gave him and did thereto add<br />My love, without retention or restraint,<br />All his in dedication; for his sake<br />Did I expose myself, pure for his love,<br />Into the danger of this adverse town;<br />Drew to defend him when he was beset:<br />Where being apprehended, his false cunning,<br />Not meaning to partake with me in danger,<br />Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,<br />And grew a twenty years removed thing<br />While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,<br />Which I had recommended to his use<br />Not half an hour before.</p><p>VIOLA <br />How can this be?</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />When came he to this town?</p><p>ANTONIO <br />To-day, my lord; and for three months before,<br />No interim, not a minute's vacancy,<br />Both day and night did we keep company.</p><p>Enter OLIVIA and Attendants</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.<br />But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:<br />Three months this youth hath tended upon me;<br />But more of that anon. Take him aside.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />What would my lord, but that he may not have,<br />Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?<br />Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.</p><p>VIOLA <br />Madam!</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Gracious Olivia,--</p><p>OLIVIA <br />What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--</p><p>VIOLA <br />My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,<br />It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear<br />As howling after music.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Still so cruel?</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Still so constant, lord.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,<br />To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars<br />My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out<br />That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,<br />Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,<br />Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy<br />That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this:<br />Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,<br />And that I partly know the instrument<br />That screws me from my true place in your favour,<br />Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;<br />But this your minion, whom I know you love,<br />And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,<br />Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,<br />Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.<br />Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief:<br />I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,<br />To spite a raven's heart within a dove.</p><p>VIOLA <br />And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,<br />To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Where goes Cesario?</p><p>VIOLA <br />After him I love<br />More than I love these eyes, more than my life,<br />More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.<br />If I do feign, you witnesses above<br />Punish my life for tainting of my love!</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!</p><p>VIOLA <br />Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?<br />Call forth the holy father.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Come, away!</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Husband!</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Ay, husband: can he that deny?</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Her husband, sirrah!</p><p>VIOLA <br />No, my lord, not I.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear<br />That makes thee strangle thy propriety:<br />Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;<br />Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art<br />As great as that thou fear'st.</p><p>Enter Priest</p><p>O, welcome, father!<br />Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,<br />Here to unfold, though lately we intended<br />To keep in darkness what occasion now<br />Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know<br />Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.</p><p>Priest <br />A contract of eternal bond of love,<br />Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,<br />Attested by the holy close of lips,<br />Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;<br />And all the ceremony of this compact<br />Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:<br />Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave<br />I have travell'd but two hours.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be<br />When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?<br />Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,<br />That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?<br />Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet<br />Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.</p><p>VIOLA <br />My lord, I do protest--</p><p>OLIVIA <br />O, do not swear!<br />Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.</p><p>Enter SIR ANDREW</p><p>SIR ANDREW <br />For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently<br />to Sir Toby.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />What's the matter?</p><p>SIR ANDREW <br />He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby<br />a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your<br />help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Who has done this, Sir Andrew?</p><p>SIR ANDREW <br />The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for<br />a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />My gentleman, Cesario?</p><p>SIR ANDREW <br />'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for<br />nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't<br />by Sir Toby.</p><p>VIOLA <br />Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:<br />You drew your sword upon me without cause;<br />But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.</p><p>SIR ANDREW <br />If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I<br />think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.</p><p>Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown</p><p>Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more:<br />but if he had not been in drink, he would have<br />tickled you othergates than he did.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />How now, gentleman! how is't with you?</p><p>SIR TOBY BELCH <br />That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end<br />on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?</p><p>Clown <br />O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes<br />were set at eight i' the morning.</p><p>SIR TOBY BELCH <br />Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I<br />hate a drunken rogue.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?</p><p>SIR ANDREW <br />I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.</p><p>SIR TOBY BELCH <br />Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a<br />knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.</p><p>Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW</p><p>Enter SEBASTIAN</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:<br />But, had it been the brother of my blood,<br />I must have done no less with wit and safety.<br />You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that<br />I do perceive it hath offended you:<br />Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows<br />We made each other but so late ago.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,<br />A natural perspective, that is and is not!</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />Antonio, O my dear Antonio!<br />How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,<br />Since I have lost thee!</p><p>ANTONIO <br />Sebastian are you?</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />Fear'st thou that, Antonio?</p><p>ANTONIO <br />How have you made division of yourself?<br />An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin<br />Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Most wonderful!</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />Do I stand there? I never had a brother;<br />Nor can there be that deity in my nature,<br />Of here and every where. I had a sister,<br />Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.<br />Of charity, what kin are you to me?<br />What countryman? what name? what parentage?</p><p>VIOLA <br />Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;<br />Such a Sebastian was my brother too,<br />So went he suited to his watery tomb:<br />If spirits can assume both form and suit<br />You come to fright us.</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />A spirit I am indeed;<br />But am in that dimension grossly clad<br />Which from the womb I did participate.<br />Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,<br />I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,<br />And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'</p><p>VIOLA <br />My father had a mole upon his brow.</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />And so had mine.</p><p>VIOLA <br />And died that day when Viola from her birth<br />Had number'd thirteen years.</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />O, that record is lively in my soul!<br />He finished indeed his mortal act<br />That day that made my sister thirteen years.</p><p>VIOLA <br />If nothing lets to make us happy both<br />But this my masculine usurp'd attire,<br />Do not embrace me till each circumstance<br />Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump<br />That I am Viola: which to confirm,<br />I'll bring you to a captain in this town,<br />Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help<br />I was preserved to serve this noble count.<br />All the occurrence of my fortune since<br />Hath been between this lady and this lord.</p><p>SEBASTIAN <br />[To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:<br />But nature to her bias drew in that.<br />You would have been contracted to a maid;<br />Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,<br />You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.<br />If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,<br />I shall have share in this most happy wreck.</p><p>To VIOLA</p><p>Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times<br />Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.</p><p>VIOLA <br />And all those sayings will I overswear;<br />And those swearings keep as true in soul<br />As doth that orbed continent the fire<br />That severs day from night.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Give me thy hand;<br />And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.</p><p>VIOLA <br />The captain that did bring me first on shore<br />Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action<br />Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,<br />A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:<br />And yet, alas, now I remember me,<br />They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.</p><p>Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN</p><p>A most extracting frenzy of mine own<br />From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.<br />How does he, sirrah?</p><p>Clown <br />Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as<br />well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a<br />letter to you; I should have given't you to-day<br />morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,<br />so it skills not much when they are delivered.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Open't, and read it.</p><p>Clown <br />Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers<br />the madman.</p><p>Reads</p><p>'By the Lord, madam,'--</p><p>OLIVIA <br />How now! art thou mad?</p><p>Clown <br />No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship<br />will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Prithee, read i' thy right wits.</p><p>Clown <br />So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to<br />read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Read it you, sirrah.</p><p>To FABIAN</p><p>FABIAN <br />[Reads] 'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the<br />world shall know it: though you have put me into<br />darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over<br />me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as<br />your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced<br />me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt<br />not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.<br />Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little<br />unthought of and speak out of my injury.<br />THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Did he write this?</p><p>Clown <br />Ay, madam.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />This savours not much of distraction.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither.</p><p>Exit FABIAN</p><p>My lord so please you, these things further<br />thought on,<br />To think me as well a sister as a wife,<br />One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,<br />Here at my house and at my proper cost.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.</p><p>To VIOLA</p><p>Your master quits you; and for your service done him,<br />So much against the mettle of your sex,<br />So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,<br />And since you call'd me master for so long,<br />Here is my hand: you shall from this time be<br />Your master's mistress.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />A sister! you are she.</p><p>Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Is this the madman?</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Ay, my lord, this same.<br />How now, Malvolio!</p><p>MALVOLIO <br />Madam, you have done me wrong,<br />Notorious wrong.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Have I, Malvolio? no.</p><p>MALVOLIO <br />Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.<br />You must not now deny it is your hand:<br />Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;<br />Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:<br />You can say none of this: well, grant it then<br />And tell me, in the modesty of honour,<br />Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,<br />Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,<br />To put on yellow stockings and to frown<br />Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;<br />And, acting this in an obedient hope,<br />Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,<br />Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,<br />And made the most notorious geck and gull<br />That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,<br />Though, I confess, much like the character<br />But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.<br />And now I do bethink me, it was she<br />First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,<br />And in such forms which here were presupposed<br />Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:<br />This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;<br />But when we know the grounds and authors of it,<br />Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge<br />Of thine own cause.</p><p>FABIAN <br />Good madam, hear me speak,<br />And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come<br />Taint the condition of this present hour,<br />Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,<br />Most freely I confess, myself and Toby<br />Set this device against Malvolio here,<br />Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts<br />We had conceived against him: Maria writ<br />The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;<br />In recompense whereof he hath married her.<br />How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,<br />May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;<br />If that the injuries be justly weigh'd<br />That have on both sides pass'd.</p><p>OLIVIA <br />Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!</p><p>Clown <br />Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,<br />and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was<br />one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but<br />that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'<br />But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such<br />a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'<br />and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.</p><p>MALVOLIO <br />I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.</p><p>Exit</p><p>OLIVIA <br />He hath been most notoriously abused.</p><p>DUKE ORSINO <br />Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:<br />He hath not told us of the captain yet:<br />When that is known and golden time convents,<br />A solemn combination shall be made<br />Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,<br />We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;<br />For so you shall be, while you are a man;<br />But when in other habits you are seen,<br />Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.</p><p>Exeunt all, except Clown</p><p>Clown <br />[Sings]<br />When that I was and a little tiny boy,<br />With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,<br />A foolish thing was but a toy,<br />For the rain it raineth every day.<br />But when I came to man's estate,<br />With hey, ho, &amp; c.<br />'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,<br />For the rain, &amp; c.<br />But when I came, alas! to wive,<br />With hey, ho, &amp; c.<br />By swaggering could I never thrive,<br />For the rain, &amp; c.<br />But when I came unto my beds,<br />With hey, ho, &amp; c.<br />With toss-pots still had drunken heads,<br />For the rain, &amp; c.<br />A great while ago the world begun,<br />With hey, ho, &amp; c.<br />But that's all one, our play is done,<br />And we'll strive to please you every day.</p><p>Exit<br /></p></span>