insulter.py

#!/usr/bin/env python3
import os
import sys
import json
__version__ = '0.3'
__releasedate__ = '2009-12-23'
__author__ = 'Ryan McGreal <ryan@quandyfactory.com>'
__homepage__ = 'http://quandyfactory.com/insult'
__repository__ = 'http://gist.github.com/258915'
__copyright__ = 'Copyright (C) 2009 by Ryan McGreal. Licenced under GPL ' + \
                'version 2. http://www.gnu.org/licenses/gpl-2.0.html'

config = "Returns an insult"


def help():
    print(config)


def print_help():
    help()
    sys.exit(0)


def generate_insult(target):
    """
    Generates an Elizabethan insult.

    """
    from random import randint
    words = (
        ('Artless', 'Bawdy', 'Beslubbering', 'Bootless', 'Churlish',
         'Cockered', 'Clouted', 'Craven', 'Currish', 'Dankish', 'Dissembling',
         'Droning', 'Errant', 'Fawning', 'Fobbing', 'Froward', 'Frothy',
         'Gleeking', 'Goatish', 'Gorbellied', 'Impertinent', 'Infectious',
         'Jarring', 'Loggerheaded', 'Lumpish', 'Mammering', 'Mangled',
         'Mewling', 'Paunchy', 'Pribbling', 'Puking', 'Puny', 'Quailing',
         'Rank', 'Reeky', 'Roguish', 'Ruttish', 'Saucy', 'Spleeny', 'Spongy',
         'Surly', 'Tottering', 'Unmuzzled', 'Vain', 'Venomed', 'Villainous',
         'Warped', 'Wayward', 'Weedy', 'Yeasty',),
        ('Base-court', 'Bat-fowling', 'Beef-witted', 'Beetle-headed',
         'Boil-brained', 'Clapper-clawed', 'Clay-brained', 'Common-kissing',
         'Crook-pated', 'Dismal-dreaming', 'Dizzy-eyed', 'Dog-hearted',
         'Dread-bolted', 'Earth-vexing', 'Elf-skinned', 'Fat-kidneyed',
         'Fen-sucked', 'Flap-mouthed', 'Fly-bitten', 'Folly-fallen',
         'Fool-born', 'Full-gorged', 'Guts-griping', 'Half-faced',
         'Hasty-witted', 'Hedge-born', 'Hell-hated', 'Idle-headed',
         'Ill-breeding', 'Ill-nurtured', 'Knotty-pated', 'Milk-livered',
         'Motley-minded', 'Onion-eyed', 'Plume-plucked', 'Pottle-deep',
         'Pox-marked', 'Reeling-ripe', 'Rough-hewn', 'Rude-growing',
         'Rump-fed', 'Shard-borne', 'Sheep-biting', 'Spur-galled',
         'Swag-bellied', 'Tardy-gaited', 'Tickle-brained', 'Toad-spotted',
         'Unchin-snouted', 'Weather-bitten',),
        ('Apple-john', 'Baggage', 'Barnacle', 'Bladder', 'Boar-pig', 'Bugbear',
         'Bum-bailey', 'Canker-blossom', 'Clack-dish', 'Clot-pole', 'Coxcomb',
         'Codpiece', 'Death-token', 'Dewberry', 'Flap-dragon', 'Flax-wench',
         'Flirt-gill', 'Foot-licker', 'Fustilarian', 'Giglet', 'Gudgeon',
         'Haggard', 'Harpy', 'Hedge-pig', 'Horn-beast', 'Huggermugger',
         'Jolt-head', 'Lewdster', 'Lout', 'Maggot-pie', 'Malt-worm', 'Mammet',
         'Measle', 'Minnow', 'Miscreant', 'Mold-warp', 'Mumble-news',
         'Nut-hook', 'Pigeon-egg', 'Pignut', 'Puttock', 'Pumpion', 'Rats-bane',
         'Scut', 'Skains-mate', 'Strumpet', 'Varlot', 'Vassal', 'Whey-face',
         'Wagtail',),
        )
    insult_list = (
        words[0][randint(0, len(words[0])-1)],
        words[1][randint(0, len(words[1])-1)],
        words[2][randint(0, len(words[2])-1)],
        )
    vowels = 'AEIOU'
    article = 'an' if insult_list[0][0] in vowels else 'a'
    return '%s, thou art %s %s, %s %s.' % (target, article, insult_list[0],
                                           insult_list[1], insult_list[2])


def main():
    sys.argv.pop(0)
    if len(sys.argv) == 2 and sys.argv[1] == "help":
        help()
    elif len(sys.argv) == 2:
        print(generate_insult(sys.argv[1]))
    else:
        print_help()


if __name__ == '__main__':
    main()